The Irish authorities have issued the following progress statement:-

Our investigative team have scoured country in search of the USB to be sure that it hasn’t fallen into the wrong hands.  The search began in the Old Sheiling pub, just up from O’Connell street there in the heart of Dublin.  After a good sing song, a few pints of Guinness and a couple of Black Bushmills chasers, it was decided that this was a good start to the search and that a more diligent approach should be followed.

To cut a long story short, we didn’t find the USB but we were assured by 27 fine lookin’ bar tenders, land ladies and others that they would notify us if and when the thingy, dongle turned up.

We intend to pursue the search tomorrow night, this time at the Three Green Parrots in Ballsbridge as that’s where our mate Shaun runs the local betting shop and he might know sumthin’. 

Oh and yes, another thing, we now know that all of the names on the USB were Patrick O’Sullivan and that he is one of the tellers at the Bank.  He had come back from the pub at lunchtime and has confessed to falling asleep on the keyboard as he was downloading his own information to the USB. “I’d been hearing about the credit crunch and oi wanted to be sure mi munney was safe!” Paddy said.

The statement ends…but if you want to have a knees up tomorrow night, we’ll be in the Three Green Parrots at 5pm.

J