“You’ll never believe it but my virtual missus has bl**dy well gotten really pregnant!”

“Oh cr*p!  That sucks! You sure?”

“She’s just over 6 weeks she thinks.  She went on holiday with her mates down to sodding Costa del Fortune, for a fortnight last month and…well it must have happened there.  She came back online yesterday and straight away I knew something was wrong!  You just know don’t you?”

“How?  What made you suspicious?”

“Well, her keying was erratic, like she wasn’t listening to me, she was thinking of something else…or someone!  Like, I started talking to her about our virtual mate Ronny and about how he’s built up this great virtual fortune and now he’s getting ripped off somehow by a virtual fraudster. She just changed the subject on to how much she enjoyed her holiday, larking about with her mates and getting sloshed – some lads were with them a lot of the time she said! What a bl**dy nerve, talking like I was really interested!”  

“Well that’s to be expected eh? Virtual tart! Oh sorry mate, I mean, well if she does this to you then she is, right?”

“I told her to get virtual! Funny though, she went on to try to tell me that I didn’t know what real was!”

“Imagine that!”

“Yeah!  I told her that I grew up without second life until I was eleven years old! I know what real is!”

“Take that b**ch!”

“So then she blurts it out, telling me that she was really pregnant.  And then I just told her to stick it…you know!  She can’t do this to me.  I’m not ready to become a virtual father!”

“Mate, that’s how you become virtually bankrupt…once you start spending on kids they take you to the cleaners and you work your ar*e off!”

“Really?”

“Yeah really? Like poor old Ronny. He’s not got much of his virtual fortune left poor bloke thanks to that virtual fraudster. When all his money is gone he’ll probably have to get real! “

“Second life sucks, mate!”